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Ancient Greek Wisdom

Let Plato Plan Your Wedding!

Krista Rodkey assembles wedding plans from Plato’s advice on romance and parties in the Republic, Laws, Symposium, & Phaedrus.

WeddingsAreWe.com is proud to present this exciting new line of boutique wedding services designed in coordination with Plato son of Ariston. Our new product line Platonic Weddings ^TM brings together the exceptional quality of the WeddingsAreWe.com event-coordinating team and the unique artistic vision of Plato, the preeminent Athenian philosopher. Let us curate the wedding experience of your dreams with one of three complete Platonic Weddings^TM packages!

1. Classic Kallipiweds^TM Wedding Experience

The Kallipiweds^TM Wedding package is designed for members who met through our online dating service Betterbabies.com. Enrol today, and you can get our Kallipiweds^TM wedding service free of charge! Once you’ve found the ‘guardian of your heart’, let us bring you together in a beautiful, simple ceremony that highlights the brave deeds or honorable achievements that proved you two were a match. A tasteful on-site honeymoon suite is part of the package. No tacky frescoes of Aphrodite or raunchy pictures of Zeus will spoil the mood – just an unpretentious room of pleasing proportions, decorated with perfect geometric shapes and the purest colors. Music is available on request (Dorian and Phrygian modes only).

Perks:

• No cost, no clean-up with our state-subsidized matchmaking plan!

• Perfect for no-strings-attached relationships

• All children born from weddings will be automatically enrolled in our CivicSiblings social network and scholarship program

2. Laws of Love^TM Wedding Special

Are you committed and traditional, but dread the wedding headaches that come with the Big Bash? Try our Laws of Love^TM Wedding Special. This intimate, custom-designed wedding plan ensures that your wedding matches elegance with moderation. Your drunk uncle can’t ruin your big day with this package deal! Guests for the bride and groom are limited to five friends and five relatives each, although there’s always room for one more Athenian Stranger. Each wedding package comes with enough alcohol for your party to make toasts and pour libations without risk of drunken honeymoon fumbling later on. As for the wedding night, calm those pre-wedding jitters with the knowledge that our star-certified panel of gynecologists will be on site 24/7, ready to help answer your questions and coach you through your first night of wedded bliss.

Perks:

• Cost-effective – fees based on a sliding scale, starting as low as half a mina!

• Free pre- and post-marriage counselling from our gender-equitable panel of relationship experts

• Legal assistance in recouping dowry expenditures in the case of a no-fault divorce

3. Diotima’s Ladder to Wedded Bliss^TM

Have you found that perfect boy whose beautiful body has led you up Diotima’s Ladder to love his beautiful soul? Well, if the object of your love is godlike, young, beautiful, delicate, every good thing – put a ring on it! Unite forever with your long-lost soulmate in a ceremony that observers call “entrancing”. And, when the hymns are over, this wedding package is all about the after-party! Strap on your sandals, grab your dress clothes, and get ready to enjoy a full banquet with your closest friends. Our self-serve banqueting hall will make everyone feel at home, and our cozy couches allow for discreet snuggling. Don’t hurry – you’ll have a 24 hour venue for those dreamy conversations that last till dawn.

Plato’s Head in the Clouds by Ron Schepper 2020. You can contact him at editor@textura.org

Perks:

• Love implies need, and you’ll love our catering service!

• Open bar – drink as much or as little as you like

• No annoying flute girls

Whether you are newly wed, approaching your golden anniversary, or still at the ‘It’s complicated’ stage, consider Phaedrus’s Romantic Forest Retreat^TM. Available at a special discount for our wedding customers!!!

Phaedrus’s Romantic Forest Retreat^TM

Sick of the city, and ready to renew your vows in a sylvan paradise? With sycamores and cicadas in abundance, no wood nymph could hope for a more romantic spot! In this rustic venue we’ll help you craft the love speeches you need to charm even the most retiring spouse. Whether you need to make the weaker argument the stronger, or are moved by divine conviction, we’ll help you unbridle your passions! And to sooth your soul you can cool your feet in the brook, enjoy the breeze, or nap under a tree. Better yet, take our complementary horse-drawn carriage ride around the perimeter – take in the view and return feeling ‘innocent and simple, calm and happy’.

Perks:

• Perfect for the crowd-shy lover or junior rhetorician

• Woodland setting doubles as a ‘working vacay’ for those who never leave the agora

• Custom speech-writers will vet your speech, or even write it in your voice – satisfaction guaranteed!

Dr. Krista Rodkey studied Plato at Oxford University and ethics at Indiana University, Bloomington. She lives in California where she is writing The Autobiography of Lady Philosophy, a stage play featuring Parmenides, Boethius, and Lady Anne Conway.