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Humour
The Inevitable Philosophy Lightbulb Jokes
How many philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
It depends on how you define ‘change’.
How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two – one to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.
How many analytic philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
None – its a pseudo-problem…light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the bulb was broken and wasn’t giving off light, it wouldn’t be a ‘light bulb’ now would it? (oh, where has rigour gone?!)
How many Heraclitians does it take to change a light bulb?
None – it’s never the same light bulb again anyway
How many Epicureans does it take to change a light bulb?
None – they’re too busy taking advantage of the darkness!
How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
How many Nietzschians does it take to change a light bulb?
0.00001
How many Natural Selectionists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Well actually, we won’t even try to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with functioning bulbs. That way, over time, ….
How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, why fight it?
How many Humeans does it take to change a light bulb?
None – since the bulb actually contains a gaseous substance, and thus contains no ‘abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number’ nor any ‘experimental reasoning concerning matters of fact and existence’ it will simply be removed and thrown in the fire…
How many Kantians does it take to change a light bulb?
Two to change the phenomenal bulb; and one to explain that we might not have actually changed the bulb-an-sich at all.
How many theologians does it take to change a light bulb?
100 – one to change the bulb, and 99 to explain why an infinite God of love would allow darkness to occur in the world at all.
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